Les miserables

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Universal truths

1. No matter how many layers of clothes you wear, if you nose is cold, you are cold.
2. When guys say they don’t like skinny girls, they actually mean they don’t like anorexic girls. Megan Fox and Halle Berry are skinny, and their Body Mass Index is below the recommended interval. Your idea of “curvy” still requires a great deal of exercise and diet.
3. Whenever someone tells me money doesn’t buy happiness, I want to take that person’s house, belongings and life savings and maybe give them cancer or some other similar disease, and see how their non-materialistic views of the world take him out of this predicament!
4. People who hate animals and/or are cruel to animals are the serial killers of tomorrow. Fact.
5. Saying that if one does not vote he shouldn’t talk politics is like telling someone that if he wants to eat he can only choose the foods on a certain menu. In reality, you can wait until you get to a place where they serve what you want to eat. You should eat what you want, not what they tell you that you should have.
6. Lack of patience is a deadly sin, as well as a deadly mistake. 
7. Anti-islamists and pro-Christians suffer from selective/lack of memory. Remember the crusades (among which there was also a children’s crusade), the catholic inquisition, the witch trials and all the other nice religious wars that stain the western cultures with blood? If not, then you should at least pride yourselves with other proactive accomplishments such as the Stockholm shootings or the Centennial Olympic Park bombing. 
8. Saying you don’t love your country is like saying you don’t love your mother. In any of the cases, you are more than likely a major douche!
9. You can’t discover a land which is already inhabited by people. Just saying, America.
10. Don’t judge younger generations by your standards. Evolution and improvements happen by taking out the old and bringing in the new. Easy to say now, let’s try to remember this when we’ll be the old and others the new.
11. The original coke recipe is still top secret. If you’re not telling me exactly what’s in that bottle, then I’m not drinking it!
12. You should be able to both spend a weekend reading books and meditating AND partying like a rock star.
13. Both new and old friends can disappoint. Don’t put someone on a pedestal just because of the length of time they’ve been around.
14. Curiosity is okay, even healthy, but obsessing over my life shows large gaps in yours.
15. Pretending to be smarter than you actually are is as foul as not taking a shower.
16. Never EVER be rude to your waiter, bartender or cook. These are the people preparing what you’ll put in your belly.
17. Beauty is relative, stupidity, unfortunately, isn’t.
18. If you haven’t been to my country, don’t badmouth it. Ass!
19. A little narcissism is healthy and necessary. Self loathers either have serious mental problems or they are hypocrites.
20. If you always steer clear of what’s different, you’ll never find beauty,
21. Pity the living, the suffering, the ones left behind. The dead are probably resting now.
22. If you spend too much time worrying about the damnation of my soul, you might get yours in trouble.
23. On Justin Bieber: if you’re a 35 year old person hating on a 17 year old kid who made a career out of scratch, based purely on talent and hard work, guess who’s the one with problems?
24. Keep some of yourself to yourself. Don’t be an open buffet to anyone.
25. The world is divided into 2 categories: people who like olives, and weirdos.
26. Hey Western Europe, don’t call them ‘night shops’ if they close by 10 pm. That’s more like an ‘evening shop’.
27. The prettiest people sometimes have the ugliest hearts. 
28. The greatest philanthropists are the ones whose names we don’t know.
29. No one likes someone with a constant angry look on their face. Put on a happy face, that’s how you’ll appear interesting to others. Otherwise you’ll just look constipated.
30. Sometimes, when things are going too well, expect shit to hit the fan. It will, soon enough!

1 comment:

  1. 30. Sometimes, when things are going too well, expect shit to hit the fan. It will, soon enough!
    - i always do that!!!


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