It’s difficult enough to live in a world full of standards, where being completely honest is not only frowned upon, but also dangerous, where the way you say something is more important than what you say, where you have to know “the code” if you don’t want to end up on either of the two sides: the victim or the jerk.
If you don’t know what the code is, and you should, I think learning through examples is always efficient. And since everybody tends to make lists in tens, here are 10 rules that go in the code.
1. Do not call/text him or her before noon or after 9 p.m. If you call too early, you translate as a stage five clinger, and if you call too late, you are lonely and friendless. So keep it short and sweet, and during normal hours. On this note, if they never text you or call you during the day, and it takes more than the normal amount of time for them to reply, they are either completely uninterested or already involved with someone else. Get to know the code!
2. If they always invite themselves to your place but never propose to meet at their place or in public, they are, again, involved, or they think you are fugly and you qualify as an option for belligerently drunk nights only. Get to know the code!
3. If guys are more into their dancing than you – no, they’re not necessarily gay –they are the people most consumed by self love, and if you go for them you’ll end up naked and frustrated 5 minutes from the time you walk through the door. Get to know the code!
4. GUYS! Please pay attention, and I know it is difficult to do so, because you consider that as far as sex is concerned you are the ultimate masters of the universe. There’s no need to put it into words if someone has done it much better already, so please bear through this video:
5. Let’s talk a little more, boys. If you ask if it was good, be prepared to be beautifully lied to. I am one of the fortunate few that don’t need to do it, but GIRLS FAKE IT ALL THE TIME (note the intentional caps lock please.) If you still believe that you “can tell” if a girl fakes it, you must truly be morons. Because you cannot, there’s no way. This is not Oscar worthy acting that we have to do, it’s only a few moans and shakes, so get over yourselves. Just be grateful the girl cares enough about your feelings to lie and empower you a little. Ever thought of how you would react if you wouldn’t get the answer you were expecting Skippy? Get to know the code!
6. If he/she is the first one to arrive at a party, the last one to leave or worse, both, then that person will most likely be down with anyone. Some call this type unbiased, I like to call these people desperately needy. Get to know the code!
7. If the person even vaguely mentions love, commitment or their mother during the first 3 dates, run! Crazy person/stalker alert! Get to know the code!
8. If your musical tastes are completely different, and I’m talking the closest you get is when one listens to Slipknot and the other to Miley Cyrus, call it quits. It doesn’t matter that you both want to save dolphins and love backpacking through the mountains. If you don’t like the same type of music, you don’t stand a chance! Get to know the code!
9. People who don’t mind sharing their food are better at maintaining a healthy relationship. Note: Don’t ever fucking touch my food, or you might end up missing a limb or two! Get to know the code!
10. The most beautiful and amazing dating advice comes from a movie: So trust me when I say if a guy is treating you like he doesn't give a shit, he genuinely doesn't give a shit. No exceptions.
But for real now, stranger, GET TO KNOW THE CODE!
Later edit: Andreea told me that, although she knows this code exists, she is against it because she thinks people should just be honest. As much as I would love to agree, picture this conversation between a guy and a girl:
Girl: Hello average looking guy who wears a tad too much cologne and whose shoes I disapprove of, you can go ahead and make a move at me because I am indeed desperate tonight!
Guy: Hello big breasted chick, my name is not important and I would like to bump nasties with you, leave when we're done and never have to see you ever again. What do you say>
buuuuut..."Maybe his grandma died or maybe he lost my number or is out of town or got hit by a cab"
ReplyDeletealso... seriously? no matter how lonely I may end up to be...someone with bad shoes?? NEVER!!!
seriously speaking now I think people should be honest with one another because things are not as easy as you picture them to be and misinterpreting other's actions or words makes you waste a lot of time and brain activity for NOTHING!
You don't even believe that! If a guy will walk up to you, would you tell him: A. Please go away, I'm not involved at the moment but you are just so unattractive that I could never see myself with you? or B. Oh sorry I can't dance with you my feet hurt so I need to sit down, maybe later
ReplyDeleteHaving a code makes you feel better about yourself for being nice on the surface (because deep down you still think his nose looks weird) and he won't walk away completely embarrassed, but politely refused. The code works if you know how to use it!!!
i used to use the "I have a boyfriend" line very often in a club it's true! but now i don;t need that anymore, cause if you see he looks bad you come and take him away from me! thanks for allowing me to be honest and not stick to the code! :P
ReplyDelete