Tell me what you eat and I’ll tell you who you are

Tell me what you eat and I’ll tell you who you are – how many times have you heard this, and how many times do you shop for certain types of food just because you think that it would make you feel a bit more interesting to the ones around you?

I for one always look at what the people in front of me have bought when I’m at the cash register in the store. I have discovered a few typologies already: the burned out mothers who buy ‘basics’ such as flour, milk, eggs and butter in bulk (no, seriously, it’s like they’re planning on cooking pancakes for the entire population of China!), the couple who have been dating for 4-5 months max and who buy an eggplant, fondue cheese and a bottle of red wine, or the preteens who buy a can of coke and a lion bar.

But there are so many more categories! There’s the food snobs – how I hate the food snobs! I have this idea (I’m pretty sure it’s a fact, but I need more palpable proof to confirm it) that there is this certain category of delicacies that only snobs, the French and gay people like, and that they are in fact not delicacies, but crap – there, I said it. Take sushi for example – it’s made out of vinegared rice, sea weed and raw fish. It is a death wrap of disgusting and somehow people swear that they think it’s delicious. Well I swear I played charades with Elvis last night, so I’ll believe you when you’ll believe me. It’s like a person saying he drinks vodka straight because he likes the taste, and not because he wants to get drunk. I call bullshit!

Then there’s the more unfortunate category of people who are regulars at McDonald’s or KFC for lunch. And just like C.K. Louis said about Cinna-buns, there’s a certain category of people who go to fast food chains for lunch. You don’t see a diversity of people sitting in line, talking about their last session at the gym. They are the people who earlier that day stood in front of me at the grocery store and bought frozen burgers, 5 bags of chips and a six pack of coke. A friend once told me that if he worked at McDonalds and a very fat person would order the extra large combo (as they so often do), he would bring the fatty a salad, and if the pudding face would argue that it’s not what he ordered, my friend would say “it’s not what you ordered, but it’s what you deserve for giving up on life!” Take a hint McDonald’s HR team, these are words of wisdom!

And I’ll leave you with one more category, one that makes my insides turn: the other end of the food spectrum aka the health freaks with a slight touch of gourmet. The things that they cook need half a page only to write down the name of the dish. It’s never pasta, but shrimp and pasta in a sweet, buttery, Amaretto sauce with sliced almonds, broccoli, and carrots decorated with fresh basil leafs. Aaaaannnndddd my soul just stabbed itself repeatedly!

Conclusion? Stop trying to impress and just eat what you want – unless you are me and “what you want“ means you want to stuff your face with everything, all the time – then just don’t! We haven’t gone through millions of years of evolution to go back to eating raw meat (and being proud of it), but that doesn’t mean we have to go from human to killer whale either.

Thank me later society for putting such healthy ideas out there!